As a kid I really loved watching the Superman movies starring Christopher Reeve. I remember watching the first and second movies again and again. What 7-year-old wouldn’t want to be Superman?! He had it all: X-ray vision, super hearing, super strength, and flight. He could even shoot lasers out of his eyes! As a young boy, I never thought Superman had any worries.

Now that I’m a few years older, I started considering what being Superman would really mean. Think about the scene in the first movie where he rescues a cat stranded in a tree. This touching moment shows that Superman is not above doing good in small ways. Now think about the population of New York City. What are the odds that several muggings — or worse — occurred at that exact moment? High. Superman can observe multiple things happening even from afar. Consider the difficulty he faces in picking who to save. Finally, add breaks for eating, sleeping, or working as Clark Kent, and Superman would have to ignore an untold number of tragedies. Despite all his powers, he is just one person who can only be in one place at one time. Having the power to save almost anyone, but only one person at a time, would be a terrible burden.

Now let’s put it on a personal level. We each have multiple priorities to juggle for ourselves and the people we are responsible for. It is easy to become overwhelmed by having too many things to do. Feeling overwhelmed can overlap with the tendency to worry. Trying to keep track of everything at once can make things worse, both in terms of stress levels and in our effectiveness to manage those things.

Juggling Worries: Illustrative Activity

Here is a common exercise that demonstrates the challenges of juggling many priorities at once. This activity requires two people: a storyteller and a listener.

Preparation:

Step 1: Obtain 20-30 sheets of paper and a pen/pencil.

Step 2: On each page, the storyteller writes down one of their worries, large or small. Worries can include anything you think of (e.g., I ran out of my favorite cereal this morning). The important thing is to write 20-30 worries.

Step 3: Crumple each page into a nice ball.

Storytelling Round 1:

The storyteller picks a simple, familiar story (e.g., “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”). As the storyteller tells the story, the listener lightly tosses the paper ball worries to the storyteller. Tosses should occur a little too fast for comfort, about every 2-3 seconds. The storyteller must catch and hold onto each worry, without dropping any, while continuing to tell the story. The storyteller may place the worries on their lap, tuck them under an arm, or hold them all in a wad, so long as the worries remain on the storyteller’s person.

Storytelling Round 2:

During the second round, the storyteller retells the same story. The listener tosses the worries to the storyteller the same as before. This time, however, the storyteller does nothing but focus on telling the story. The storyteller should not try do anything about the worry, whether it hits the storyteller, goes past the storyteller’s head, or lands at their feet.

Typical Results:

During round 1, the storyteller often has great difficulty in telling the story. The storyteller often can’t hold onto all the worries either. If you uncrumple the worries the storyteller dropped, the importance of the worries may vary. In round 2, the storyteller usually has a much easier time telling the story because they ignore the worries. In both cases, the storyteller doesn’t manage the worries very well.

  

Trying to keep track of all our worries in real life often has a similar result. Keeping track of our worries makes us less effective at even the most important task at hand. Sometimes we spend too much time managing the less important worries while ignoring the more important ones. For example, we may spend time worrying about something dumb we said when we should spend time studying for a test.

But I can’t give up my worries. I CAN’T let them go!

It is a hard reality, but we really can’t do everything. In fact, holding onto some troubles can make things worse. Your worries are like the peanut in the monkey trap analogy. In this analogy, a person places a peanut in a jar. The monkey reaches into the jar and makes a fist to hold onto the peanut. While the monkey’s hand is in a fist, it is too large to come out of the jar’s opening. The only way to escape is to let go of the peanut. 

Using Mindfulness to Escape the Trap

To get out of this worry trap, practice mindfulness. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) strongly emphasizes mindfulness practices. This fairly new and very popular therapy approach has strong empirical evidence for treating some of the most challenging behaviors faced in psychology. Drawing from DBT, I will describe three mindfulness skills that can help with your worries: nonjudgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively.

Nonjudgmentally

For this skill, avoid initial evaluations of something as good or bad. Instead, simply accept each moment as it comes. If you notice yourself judging, don’t judge yourself for judging. Just return to accepting each moment. For example, imagine that your teenager comes home an hour late and announces they wrecked the family car. Taking a moment to just hear the information and the story around it often leads to much better outcomes than yelling at the kid from the start. Similarly, nonjudgmentally listening to why a child has thoughts of self-harm, while avoiding saying they don’t have a reason to feel that way, is often much more appreciated.

To practice this, start by noticing judgmental thoughts and statements you observe in yourself or others. Also, try describing things with absolutely zero judgment.

You may ask, don’t I have to make judgments sometimes? Absolutely! The idea is that withholding judgment, at least initial judgment, puts you in a better mental place to prioritize the worries in life so you can manage the ones that really matter.  

One-mindedly

One-mindedly means focusing on one thing at a time. Accomplish a task without any other distractions, thoughts, or feelings. Even if the task is worrying, devote yourself to it! In fact, I have had several patients who were so addicted to worry that they did better having scheduled worry times. This allowed them to meet their worry needs and then move on to more important things.

To practice this, focus all your awareness on an everyday task, such as washing the dishes, going on a walk, or eating a snack. Slow down and do this one thing with no other thoughts or distractions. For example, one of my books on mindfulness devotes two entire pages to eating a single grape.

While doing this task with single-minded focus, use three other mindfulness principles. First, take the time to observe every detail. If eating a food item, use all 5 senses to notice its appearance, texture, smell, taste, and sound (e.g., the crunch when biting into a crisp apple). Second, describe what you observe in as much detail as possible. Finally, fully participate in the activity by devoting all your attention to it. If eating an apple, act as if there is nothing more important in that moment than eating that apple.

Effectively

Effectively refers to being mindful of your goals and doing what works to achieve them. This is purposely listed last because it requires you to be doing the first two steps already. Being mindful of our goals often means accepting that the best way to attain them is by following rules rather than breaking them. We might focus on doing what we can to make change happen rather than waiting for another person to change.  

There are multiple ways to practice this in your life. In an argument, you could ask yourself whether being “right” will actually get you what you want. If angry with a cashier, will yelling at them will help or hurt in fixing the mistake? When considering your many priorities, decide what to do yourself and what to get help with, even if you could do it better yourself.

Juggling Worries: Conclusion

Like Superman, we often have too many responsibilities to juggle. While it can be scary, let go of trying to manage all your worries. Then, use the mindfulness strategies nonjudgmentally, one-mindedly, and effectively to resolve one problem at a time. These strategies can help with prioritization and dealing with each problem in a more effective way. If you need further assistance with these strategies, contact us!

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Post written by Dr. Gordon D. Lamb, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director

Please note posts are educational in nature and are not intended to replace psychological services when needed.