Neither of my parents graduated from college, so I had little guidance on how to get started. I walked into the admission office of the local community college and said, “I have no idea where to begin; please help me.” Thankfully, the person at the front desk directed me to a counselor who walked me through the steps of enrolling for my first semester as a college student.

As a parent, three of my children have completed college degrees. Two have bachelor’s degrees, and one is an RN with an associate’s degree (and makes more money than the other two!). My fourth child is a senior at Texas A&M. Although I am proud of each of their accomplishments, I must say I am particularly happy that one of them decided to become an Aggie!  

In addition to my own experience and that of my children, I have had countless college students and parents of college students as patients. In this post, I will share some insights and helpful resources on how to support your college student.

Recognize and Accept the Shift in Roles and Responsibilities

Possibly the hardest part of this transition for both parties is the change in roles. A college student must complete all the enrollment paperwork and make many coursework decisions (e.g., which major, which classes, how many classes). Then they secure needed supplies, attend class, and complete their assignments. Many college students also hold jobs.  

While students fulfilled many responsibilities in high school, in college they mostly have to carry out responsibilities alone. Parents shift from a direct intervention role to a supportive role now that their child attends college. Parents can incentivize productive behavior, but they no longer have the authority to “force” a child to attend class each day. They also have little ability to intervene directly when things go wrong. Despite this, parents can still do many things to support their children in college.

Helping College Students Get Started

Help Your College Student Consider Life Goals

Life goals play a big role in making choices on which college to attend and what to study. These decisions require that you consider many aspects. For example, Texas A&M provides great opportunities for students pursuing engineering or business, but it is not the best for music. For music, you’ll find better options down the road at Sam Houston State. My daughter studied music at the University of North Texas, the largest music program in the United States.

Depending on your career goals, you might consider pursuing options besides a four-year degree. Another daughter pursued an associate’s degree to become a nurse (RN). Many hospitals will help their RNs pay for a bachelor’s in nursing (BSN).

I do not recommend that parents dictate what their college student studies or which institution they attend. I tell my own kids that I don’t care what they study as long as it helps them pursue a viable career plan. Help your child find the right balance between well-paying and enjoyable jobs. I have known many individuals who have gotten degrees in high-paying fields but hated their jobs. Within reason, I would rather someone make a little less at a job they like than have a job they hate for 30+ years of their life.

Provide Administrative Support to Your College Student

By administrative support, I mean all the little things involved with transitioning into college. These tasks include FAFSA forms, scholarship applications, finding a place to live, and job hunting. Each of these requires essential life skills and can have large consequences if done incorrectly (e.g., not qualifying for financial aid due to inaccurate paperwork). This can cause you and your child to feel overwhelmed. It is safe to assume that if you are feeling overwhelmed, your child feels even more so.

Do not just do these tasks for your college student. Instead, assist and teach them these skills so they can eventually do it on their own. Coach your child on how to make phone calls, such as calling to set up a college visit. Show your child how to complete a resume and job application. If you don’t know how to do some of these tasks yourself, that is okay. You have likely made some large decisions that require similar skills, such as purchasing a car, which can help more than you realize. A basic rule of adulthood is knowing how to figure things out when you don’t know what to do.

Many resources exist to help you and your child get started. Start with the college admissions office. Simply make a web search by entering the name of the college and “admissions office.” You will find information on the website, in addition to phone numbers and email addresses if you need additional help. While there is a common notion that parents should not intervene on behalf of their college-age children, the admissions office is an exception to this rule.   

Consider Finances

You and your college student must face a few realities when planning finances. Some colleges cost more than others. Not all college majors have the same return on investment. It is no longer true (if it ever was) that you are set for life with a degree in any major. Scholarship opportunities vary between schools. My wife and oldest child chose their colleges partially because they offered full-ride scholarships. Choosing to take out loans or to work comes with different challenges. You must repay your student loans, and terms can vary. Working can reduce the amount of debt you accrue and provide helpful experience. On the other hand, working more could mean taking fewer classes each semester.  

Consider whether, and how much, your family can contribute financially. My parents designated a few calves as mine and kept track of them and their offspring over multiple generations. Each time my dad sold one of these cows, he placed the money into a special account. While you might not expect a poor college family to dine on steak dinners, my parents also gave us frequent donations of beef from their cows. While my wife and I could have afforded college without this help, my parents’ contributions provided a level of comfort we would not have enjoyed otherwise.  

Finally, consider housing and living expenses. Some families think the so-called “college experience” is important enough to pay for their child to live on campus, even if the parents live in town. Data does show that individuals who live on campus have a higher retention rate and find the campus more welcoming, particularly for those who choose their own roommate. On the other hand, this college experience can be very expensive. For this reason, two of my children lived at home while attending college.

Help Set Up Your College Student’s Living Area

Children often experience living on their own for the first time when they begin attending college. Help your child prepare so they can transition easily into this new life. Think of all the random odds and ends, such as cleaning supplies, that your child may need. Some supplies specifically apply to those living in a college dorm, such as extra-long twin sheets. My wife prepared several family pictures, an aunt provided a handmade quilt, and we packed a few favorites from home, like books or stuffed animals. Providing help with the move can reduce stress and improve your child’s adjustment.

For students who attend college but remain at home, consider reevaluating the spaces they use to ensure they are set up for the demands of college life. Does your child have a place to study and socialize? How will you adjust family rules and expectations as your child’s lifestyle changes? For our two daughters who stayed home for college, we rearranged their bedroom, including adding additional seating and a room divider for privacy. Refer to our post on behavior contracts for more advice on parenting adult children who live at home.

Helping Your College Student Have a Successful Semester

Ensure Medical Needs Are Met

Most young college students are not used to managing their own healthcare needs independently. Most campuses have a health center that will provide basic services for a nominal fee. Usually, those centers are subsidized by the student fees every student pays each semester. Assist your child with finding local providers for needed services if your child attends school away from home.

A common mistake I see concerns medication for mental health conditions, such as ADHD. Many incoming freshmen choose to start college without their meds. I strongly recommend against this practice. I would argue that the need to take your medication is greater than it was during high school due to the increased level of distractions found in college. I have seen college students get off their meds successfully, but I do not recommend pursuing this change during the first semester or between semesters. If you would like to discontinue taking meds, I recommend you start in the middle of a semester under the supervision of your prescribing physician. This way, you experience the typical conditions for which you take the medication. If you go off your meds during a break, you might gain a false sense of security as the task demands and stress levels are likely lower.

Register with Disability Services

If your child has an existing disability, I strongly recommend they register with disability services prior to the start of school. This can ensure that your child receives the accommodations they need for success in school. Please note that disability services differ from special education services provided by a public school. Basically, disability services aim to ensure adequate access to the curriculum, whereas special education services provide remediation.  

In some cases, your student may find it helpful to register with the Texas Workforce Commission. They can assist individuals with modifying vehicles and obtaining other materials. They also help with selecting vocational schools and obtaining other needed training.  

Encourage Your College Student to Use Academic Services

Colleges typically offer academic services for free or at a low cost. These academic services can assist with tutoring, organization, time management, and study strategies. I have heard many patients swear by the assistance these services provide. For local students, we offer similar services at a low cost.

Conclusion

The transition to college can be an exciting and challenging time. Parents can assist their children with this change in a variety of ways both before college and during the semester. Please contact us if you have any questions that are specific to your child during this transition.

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Post written by Dr. Gordon D. Lamb, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director

Please note posts are educational in nature and are not intended to replace psychological services when needed.