In Alternatives to Timeout Part 1, we discussed the need for alternatives to timeout, and I gave several suggestions for alternatives to try. In this post, we will discuss alternatives to avoid and considerations for how these suggestions fit into parenting in general.

Alternatives to Avoid

Early Bedtime

Early bedtime has been used as a consequence for decades. One downside is the long timespan between the behavior and the consequence. It could also cause the child to view going to bed as a punishment. Sleep specialists argue that early bedtime goes against the research on keeping a consistent sleep schedule. On the other hand, if you are close to bedtime anyway, you could use early bedtime as a simple way to end a bad night.

Long Lectures / Yelling / Guilt-Tripping

In volatile situations, parents tend to talk too much and too loudly about the things the child should change. Sometimes parents try too hard to apply the parenting principles they have learned. Other times, the parents merely vent their frustrations until they feel better. Saying something loud enough and long enough does not mean that the message will eventually sink in. Long lectures also hurt the parent-child relationship and potentially could cause lasting emotional damage.  

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is legal in Texas. It can, behaviorally speaking, reduce unwanted behavior. Corporal punishment is generally frowned upon. It can cause lasting emotional damage and fear of the disciplining parent. Whether due to strong parental emotions or because lighter spankings aren’t working, the “spank harder” approach can cause parents to cross the line into physical abuse. As a policy, LBHC staff do not lecture parents against corporal punishment, but we teach alternatives. LBHC staff also do not teach corporal punishment as a behavior management technique.  

Just Keep Ignoring or Slip into Permissive Parenting

Ignoring an undesired behavior only works if your attention is the reinforcer for that behavior. Permissive parenting doesn’t work because you can’t always get children to do what they need to do by being their best friend.

Ignoring or permissive parenting can occur for two primary reasons. First, many parents feel they have no power to do anything. Some fear their actions will be called abuse, especially those who have had a case with Child Protective Services in the past. Second, parents feel burnt out or don’t know how to respond when basic strategies don’t work.  

Important Considerations

The timeout alternatives I suggested you try and avoid should not be implemented in isolation of other very important skills. Most parent training programs start with what you could call “soft skills.” For example, parents can use selective attention in the form of praise or imitation. Parents can selectively ignore to increase compliance and decrease overall parent-child conflict. Soft skills also include the parent’s own emotion regulation skills.

As these soft skills are highly important, they should be the core of any parent training program. I have joked that I can get any young child to comply through a cold and systematic use of the principles I know. However, achieving compliance in this callous way without the soft skills can turn externalizing problems (observable behaviors, such as throwing a chair) into internalizing problems (internal behaviors, such as anxiety). It also could put off addressing the externalizing problems until they are too large to bully into submission.

While competent use of parenting soft skills can greatly reduce the need to provide consequences for undesired behavior, it is naive to think they will completely eliminate the need for behavior interventions. The false expectation that adequate prevention will produce perfectly well-behaved and emotionally well-adjusted children can create a great amount of emotional distress in parents who do not see those results despite their best efforts (Dawson, 2025 & Pezalla & Davidson, 2024). As such, parents need to know how to effectively use soft skills combined with timeout and timeout alternatives.

Conclusion

There are several considerations when deciding whether to use one of these timeout alternatives or devising your own intervention. First, think about if you are comfortable carrying out this consequence. For example, would you really cancel a vacation you saved up for all year? Second, can you carry out this consequence? Some consequences cannot be carried out at certain times. Third, consider your short- and long-term goals to achieve a balance between obtaining compliance on a specific command (short-term) and maintaining the parent-child relationship (long-term).

If you would like help with parenting soft skills, timeout, or timeout alternatives, please contact us! In case you missed it, read part 1.

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Post written by Dr. Gordon D. Lamb, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director

Please note posts are educational in nature and are not intended to replace psychological services when needed.

References

Dawson, L. H. (2025). Gentle parenting: What it is, how it can help, and possible drawbacks. https://www.brownhealth.org/be-well/gentle-parenting-what-it-how-it-can-help-and-possible-drawbacks

Pezalla, A. E., & Davidson, A. J. (2024). “Trying to remain calm…but I do reach my limit sometimes”: An exploration of the meaning of gentle parenting. PLOS ONE, 19(7), Article e0307492. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0307492 [1, 2, 3]