I continually collect books and other materials to learn more about how to be good at what I do. As someone who originally trained in working primarily with children, my collection for this age group takes up considerable space in our library. There is a lot of information available today about child behavior. Most resources consistently cite timeout as an effective way to reduce unwanted behavior. I primarily teach the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) version, with some modifications as needed. Timeout is one of the most research-supported interventions for difficult behavior. When used effectively, it works very consistently.

Some parents struggle to gain compliance using timeout. Furthermore, parents should avoid over-reliance on any one strategy. Most books discussing child behavior mention that parents should be prepared to implement alternative consequences to timeout. They briefly suggest loss of privileges but seldom provide elaboration. Seeing the gap between the many resources on timeout and the few resources on alternative consequences, I will explain six timeout alternatives for you to try. These ideas are not one-size-fits-all, nor is this list exhaustive.

Time-In

As opposed to separating the child during timeout, the child and parent come together for a time-in. During social situations, a time-in can also serve the separation function of a timeout. If at a playdate, your child plays too roughly, becomes angry, or acts out slightly (e.g. yelling), you could implement a time-in. More severe behaviors could/should merit other interventions such as going home.

Start a time-in by having your child sit next to you. This separates the child from the situation. If your child is visibly upset, tell them to sit by you for a few minutes to calm down. Once the child appears calm, problem solve how to handle the situation better in the future. Discuss how to re-enter the play environment successfully. As your child re-enters play, pay close attention to this transition to ensure it goes well.

Logical consequences are fairly organic but clearly fit the behavior. If your child throws a toy, take it away for a period of time. If your child makes a mess while throwing a fit, have them help clean it up before returning to normal activities.  

Natural Consequences

Natural consequences occur as a direct result of behavior without you doing something purposely. I also consider consequences that occur via other people/institutions (e.g. electricity shut off for not paying the bill) natural consequences. As the parent, you must consider whether to allow natural consequences to happen. For example, you may consider whether or not to drop off a forgotten coat at the school depending on the severity of the weather or how long your child will be outside. You can do a great disservice to your child if you always help them avoid the natural consequences of their behavior.

Losing privileges can provide a powerful and creative alternative to timeout. Many parents remove an electronic device for a pre-determined amount of time. Some parents add time to the privilege loss in response to a tantrum over losing the privilege. Consider avoiding or limiting how much you do this. This prevents you from getting to the point where your child has nothing else to lose. On the other hand, a lengthy time for losing electronic devices could give your child a needed detox.

Another way to implement loss of privilege is tying the privilege to completion of a specific task as opposed to a prescribed time. For example, you could prohibit TV time until your child cleans their room. Your child can tantrum as long as they want. You need only wait until your child has calmed down and completed the required task. In some cases, the child may decide to say they don’t care as a form of non-compliance. This simply turns it into a long waiting game (even across multiple days), but it usually ends with compliance.

Reinforcement strategies are wonderful! They are tailored to encourage a desired behavior, and the consequence for the undesirable behavior is built in. Not completing the required behavior results in not receiving the stated reinforcer.  

For example, take the rule of cleaning up the toys before leaving the house. If parents use timeout to enforce this rule, they experience the negative consequences of implementing a timeout when it’s time to go. Instead, make up a reinforcer such as getting to choose the music in the car if the toys are picked up. Whether or not the child picks up the toys, you can still get into the car on time.  

If your child has not cleaned up the toys before leaving, you can address it as the first task once you return home. Go through the steps of giving a command, and use timeout as needed. Ensure your child cleans up for the sake of following the original command, even if they normally play with toys upon returning home.  

An alternative to a command and timeout after returning home is using a logical consequence. You might do this if you will spend time at the house while your child is away. You could pick up the toys yourself and make them unavailable for all, or part of, the rest of the day. Use a rationale like “I need to use the space while you are gone. If I clean up the toys, they will be in timeout for the first 30 minutes after you get home.”

A pre-planned “do this before that” consequence can also work well. If your child struggles to bathe, make bath time an hour or two before bedtime. Then you can say “you may have free time after your bath.”   

You can tie “do this before that” consequences to electronic devices. Non-physical ways to limit devices make this especially feasible. If you put all child devices on a guest account, then you could cut off the internet device-by-device or turn off the guest account entirely. Most modern devices require the internet for a majority of features. Furthermore, I stole a genius idea from a working mom. She made a new passcode on the TV each day. Once her kids sent a time-stamped picture of their completed chores, she sent the code to unlock the TV.

Alternative to Timeout: Conclusion

Timeout has a long-proven history as an effective tool to help with behavioral/emotional regulation for children. Nevertheless, parents need to have a variety of tools for managing behavior. I hope this provides some helpful ideas for timeout alternatives. Ideally, these options and/or your own ideas can help you find solutions for helping your child. I am always impressed with the ways parents of my patients creatively apply principles taught in-session to their situation. Sometimes, I have stolen their ideas to help other patients!

Contact us if you need help managing your child’s behavior. Stay posted for part 2 in which I will discuss timeout alternatives to avoid!

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Post written by Dr. Gordon D. Lamb, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director

Please note posts are educational in nature and are not intended to replace psychological services when needed.