In a recent post, I shared four lessons derived from my childhood on a dairy farm. Today I will share several more cow stories and the lessons I learned about psychology.

Accepting that Bad Things Happen Can Make It Easier

Fall was calving season. Most of the births happened early in the fall, but a few occurred after the cold set in. Sometimes, a calf was born on a cold, rainy day. On days like these, getting the newborn calf into a warm barn is the difference between life and death. Cows do not realize a human will rescue their calf, so they hide it when going off to eat. The prime hiding place for calves was in the woods or any other place a warm truck couldn’t access. This meant that the vehicle of choice for this life-saving operation was a four-wheeler. And, if you were a teenager on this cold, rainy day, you were the rescuer of choice for said life-saving operation!

Some people ride four-wheelers for fun. The fun goes away quickly when the temperature drops below 50 degrees and rain falls. Eventually, no rain gear can prevent you from being completely soaked. Once you find the calf, you need to take it to the barn by driving slowly with it on your lap. Without fail, a few minutes into this procedure, a warm wetness covers your leg…and yes, now the rescuer has become the calf’s toilet.

This taught me a valuable lesson on acceptance. I learned that focusing more on my discomfort heightened the misery of the situation. Acceptance didn’t mean that a miserable situation suddenly became fun, but it was more bearable. A lot of things we go through in life can be unpleasant yet unavoidable. Accepting these unpleasantries as part of life does help. In fact, sometimes acceptance is the first step in making a change.

Hanging Out in the Pond is Great for Cooling Off…and Getting Sick

When it got hot in the summer, our cows loved to stand in the pond. For those of you who love a good swim on a hot summer day, you can understand the appeal. The problem with doing this in a pond is that you are standing for long periods of time in stagnant water. For a milk cow, this is usually with its udder under the water. This habit can lead to a milk infection called mastitis. Treatment for mastitis lasted a week, and during that time the milk was unsellable.

Like cows, humans can choose coping skills that provide quick symptom relief but ultimately cause more problems down the road. Examples of this include procrastinating, drug abuse, skipping school, or hitting things. Identifying less helpful coping strategies and replacing them with more positive ones can provide symptom relief without problems arising later.

Not Everything Green Is Money

Our milk barn was set up with four cows in line, each at a slight angle. This meant that milking cow 2, 3, or 4 positioned you in front of the hind end of cow 1, 2, or 3, respectively. Multiple generations of farming did not perfect the art of teaching the cows to take potty breaks before or after milking. Let’s just say that if cow 1, 2, or 3 decided to relieve herself while you were tending to cow 2, 3, or 4, respectively, you learned the lesson of the saying, “not everything green is money.”

We could try our best to clean ourselves off, but we were pretty much wet, dirty, or both until we went home. More than once, Mom would not let us into the house until we hosed ourselves off first. This made sense in terms of not getting the house dirty, but that didn’t make it more fun to do. Yet, once we hosed off and could shower and put on clean, dry clothes, the feeling was wonderful.

I learned that comradery can form after experiencing difficult situations together. Stories like this are now told with a smile among siblings. More philosophically, I think about getting rid of bad habits. Bad habits can be as unpleasant as standing at the wrong end of a cow at the wrong time. Dropping a bad habit still feels as undesirable as rinsing off with a hose. However, at the end of the process, freedom from bad habits and their consequences can feel wonderful.

Cows Are Unsympathetic Employers

I loved being a dairy farmer, but farm life had two major drawbacks: very early mornings and a non-existent time off policy. Cows don’t care if you are sick or tired, or when you last had a day off. We had to milk the cows twice a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Daily chores took 8 hours. If you only did the daily chores, you fell behind on the necessary maintenance tasks that kept the farm from falling apart. 

Farmers who accept this lifestyle enjoy the many positives that come with it: living in a green, open space; working with animals; and a slower pace of life. Others find it difficult to avoid jealousy of the 9 to 5 life with weekends off. I eventually chose to leave the farm, in part to pursue a better schedule.

The farming lifestyle taught me several valuable lessons. I learned a lot about responsibility and getting yourself to do what must be done even if you don’t feel like it. Interestingly, I found that I usually felt better after I got started. This provided an early lesson in behavioral activation. Simply put, we often feel better through activity as opposed to inactivity.

I also learned the value of making choices. If you don’t like something, you can choose something different, even if it is hard. Although I never hated farm work, I did have other desires. Making the transition to college was challenging. I didn’t even know how to register for classes. I just had to get started (Once again, behavioral activation!). I drove to the admissions office, walked in the door, and said, “I have no idea what to do, please help.” They were glad to help, and many good things happened from there.

Sometimes the Answer Is Hang on for Dear Life

One of the largest family events on the farm was vaccinating the 1- to 2-year-old cows. At this age, these cows are good-sized. To do the vaccinations, we put them all in a pen or corral together. The corrals varied from railroad tie posts and metal slats strong enough for wild horses to dilapidated wooden slats with rotten fence posts. My job was to chase a few cows at a time from the corral to an alleyway leading to the squeeze shoot. 

Sometimes, an especially forceful cow would get its head through a panel and buck against it hard enough to break free, running away with the panel around its neck. You’d be surprised how far a cow can run in that awkward state! The chase ends with you on top of the cow, disentangling it from the gate, and then – the part we all remember with fond terror – holding the thing still while Dad did each step. The reason for our terror was the risk of being poked with various sharp instruments. Thankfully, we all came through without mishap.

You learn a few things holding down an excitable animal twice your size. First, hold on for dear life or bad things will happen. Second, sometimes the only thing you need to do is just keep hanging on. Third, sometimes you must trust others to accomplish difficult things.

These lessons really hit home for me when working with individuals with severe anger problems. When an individual is completely beyond reasoning, there are things you can do to stay safe, but reminding them to do a coping skill isn’t going to work. You simply have to ride it out to the other side.

Working With Cattle Can Be a Great Family Bonding Experience

Although caring for cattle was “work,” it was mostly enjoyable. One of the best parts of farm life was that most of the activities could be a family affair. We could divide up the daily tasks such as feeding and milking cows and calves. Other tasks, such as moving cows between fields, vaccinating, or hauling hay required everyone to participate. Having more smiles and laughter than anger and harsh words allowed these activities to form cherished memories.

You do not need to live on a farm to have quality family activities. Healthy recreation and completing tasks around the house can create lasting memories and strengthen family relationships. These activities help create your family culture and a general sense of fondness, admiration, and trust. Hopefully, this builds a system of support you can rely on throughout your life.

Lessons from a Cow: Conclusion

As mentioned earlier, I wrote this blog post at the request of my children who enjoy hearing my farm stories. Each of us can gain valuable lessons from childhood that can help us later in life. For those of you who have children, you may find that they also enjoy hearing your childhood stories. While you may not know as much about psychology as your average cow, your stories can still be a great source of inspiration for yourself and your loved ones.

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Post written by Dr. Gordon D. Lamb, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director

Please note posts are educational in nature and are not intended to replace psychological services when needed.